Elphaba

I had the most amazing experience of being able to watch this woman perform live as Elphaba in the hit Broadway show, Wicked, in NYC.  This song isn't in that Broadway show, but I just wanted to showcase just how she could really make a character come to life through singing and acting and do it really well.  I just remember watching her on stage and being blown away by her talents.  She puts in so much emotion when she sings, and it is breathtaking to watch and it leaves me with chills.

Amazing!  I'm a new fan.  :)

Magnificent Rainbow

I just came back from the gym.  It always feels good walking out of the gym.  I feel like I accomplished something.  haha

Anyway, there has been some summer thunderstorms here in the past 2 days.  Today, when I stepped out of that gym, I experienced "Neon Rain" and saw a full, arched rainbow right above me.  It was pretty magnificent.  Then in the distance, I can see the sun setting behind the rocky California mountains, setting off a yellow-orange glow in the overcast sky.

These past 2 overcast summer days were pretty amazing.  Lonely, but the weather made up for it.  Its just really really humid.  But it didn't bother me much.  All the rain and humidity kind of reminded me of my second home (if you know what I mean), which was nice.  Little piece of home.

:)

Gummy Bears

I just woke up from a dream that it was raining gummy bears.

lol

Butterfly

Quiet Time

Everybody has those moments when sadness or stress creeps upon them.  Today, I realize just how important quiet time is.  I was feeling lonely, so I spent a while out in my backyard by my dog's grave.  I just sat there talking to her (like I would when she was still here), enjoying the breeze, listening to the leaves move in the wind, and talking to the sky.  I miss my little dear friend terribly, especially at times when I feel sad or stressed.  She had a way to make me smile despite of my mood.  You can call me crazy, but she was my best friend when I didn't have any friends.  When I think I've moved on, I guess I really haven't.  It still hurts deeply to know that she's gone.  In time, I know things will get better.  For now, I'm just taking it day by day.
Anyway, quiet time gave me time to reflect about what really matters.  I need to be strong and learn to smile and laugh again.

Chasing The Sun

If you haven't heard already, Sara Bareilles released a new album titled The Blessed Unrest.  Although, this album may sound a little different than her previous albums, it still highlights her powerful voice and moving lyrics.  This one is titled "Chasing The Sun" which reminds us all that "life is not meant to be wasted."  This is one of my many favorites from her new album.  Get yourself a copy!!  I promise you won't be disappointed.

Alone

I'm having the hardest time falling asleep tonight, even music isn't helping much. I pray, but tears keep coming. Brain won't shut up. That reoccuring nightmare! I'm scared.

I feel very much alone.

Sorry. Just had to let this out. I didn't know who to tell or if I should even tell someone, so I just wrote it here. I kinda feel better. Thanks. G'night.

Summer Nights

The best part about summer are summer nights.  I remember when I was little I used to hangout on my parents' balcony and camp in a box opened on both ends.  I'd put a blanket over the box and crawl inside with a pillow.  I would lay there in the dark and enjoy the night air.  Sometimes my mom or dad would join me.  :)

xo, J

Spontaneous Moments

So I was thinking back to Kina's show at the park a few weeks ago.  I remembered this one moment when I just really felt alive.  The whole time I was there, it was a great time, but there was one particular moment when Kina was singing a "semi-new" song called "Little Worrior."  It has become one of my favorites lately.  Anyway, during the middle of the song, a flock of birds flew overhead.  I looked up at the sky and that moment couldn't be anymore perfect while sitting out in the grass under the shade and enjoying the good music and being surrounded by happy people.  It's one of those spontaneous moments when you realize you're alive and you say to yourself, "Wow! THIS is LIFE!!"

Those little spontaneous moments are what I live for.

xo, J

P.S. This also means animals really love Kina.  She really is a real life Disney Princess.  haha!  :P

Bad Haircut

So yesterday night, I dreamed about getting a really bad hairdo.  I remember walking into a salon and getting all pampered up.  I didn't really tell my hairstylist what kind of haircut I wanted, except that I wanted it short.  I just trusted her to do what she style wanted to do to my hair.  I ended up getting a short bob haircut with different colors: red, green, blue, and blonde.
I know...INSANE.  (O.O)
I remember feeling like I didn't like it, but I at the same time I didn't mind so much.  I just kind of let it be.  I accepted the fact that this lady ruined my hair.  When she finished with my newly styled haircut, we went to the front of the salon to show my mom.....She HATED it.  She immediately told my hairstylist to change it, saying, "Bring my baby back."  My hairstylist was upset.  I was just passive about it.  lol Typical me in real life.  I just kind of let others tell me what to do and I do it with no complaints (most of the time).
So we went back to our seat and my hairstylist started cutting my hair wildly.  She even asked me to choose what color I wanted to keep just so we could "have a little freedom" from what my mom wanted.  I chose to keep the blonde highlights because it didn't look too bad and it looked more "normal" than the other colors.  When she finished, I had a pixie cut, like what I have now, except it had blonde highlights.  Then when she styled it, she put way too much waxy hair product in my hair that it looked slicked back.  But my mom liked it and I didn't think it looked too bad.  I knew I could just wash it off.  Anyway, my hairstylist came back with a brush in her hand and then.....I woke up.

That was my dream.  It was so weird.  Looking back at it now, it kind of shows a little bit of who I am: things I don't like about myself and things I'd like to change.
Plus, I searched what all of this means and I found this site.  Thank you, internet.  It's interesting...
http://www.dreambible.com/hair.html

peace, rawr, and lol

"You Have More Friends Than You Know"

No other love like a friend's love to tell you that everything is going to be okay.  <3

CUPS!!

When I opened my laptop and connected to the internet, I did not expect to see something so amazing.  There are many covers of this song made famous again from the movie, Pitch Perfect, with Anna Kendrick.  But I think of all the covers, this is the best I've seen.  Or maybe I'm being biased because my favorite is in it?  lol yee, Kina!! <3

Anyway, this made me smile this morning. :)

Happy Birthday!!

Today, I had a gut feeling it was someone's birthday.  I know a Digbyholic friend had a birthday today, but I remembered someone else telling me their birthday was on the same day as America's birthday too.  Well, it hit me now.  My uncle told me at my last trip in the Philippines.  We were sitting at the table outside my grandma's house having a drink, while he was talking about his life and my parents.  I miss him.

Happy Birthday, Tito!  I still can't believe you're gone.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the colorful fireworks across America today.  It must have been prettier from your view.  lol  :)

Happy Birthday, America!!

xo

I hate being sick.

Nothing really.  Just getting my steam out.  I'm getting frustrated.  I've been sick for 2 weeks now.  I just want to be better already, so I can go to my happy place in peace at the gym.  COUGH BE GONE!!!  UGH!!!!!

lol :)

"Take Me Home" - Us (Official Music Video)

"I'm only happy when I'm with you.  

Home for me is where you are.  

I try to smile and push on through, but home for me is where you are...

Take me home."

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/MichaelAlvaradoMusic

Twitter: @UsTheDuo

Dia Frampton & Kina Grannis - "Cruise"

After a week of delay, the long wait for the announced duet with Dia Frampton and Kina Grannis, has finally been published!  This duet is a match made in heaven!  lol.  Okay...Maybe I'm exaggerating (or not), but I love these two and I love their sweet version of this song.

Dia Frampton

- YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/DiaFrampton

- Twitter: @diaframps

Kina Grannis

- YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/KinaGrannis

- Twitter: @kinagrannis

Protect Her

Music speaks the words I cannot say I out loud.

Goodnight

The other day, I was browsing Kina's older videos and I came across a few that I related to.  Her songs have been a great friend lately.  I don't know what I'd do without music.  When it seems like there is no one I can turn to, music is there for me.

Kina Grannis in Orange County!

On Sunday, June 23, 2013, Kina hosted a show at the Pittsford Park in Lake Forest, CA. It was a beautiful day in sunny SoCal, and what a better way to celebrate the coming of summer with great music at the park. My brother and I arrived just in time for the first meet & greet session with Kina before she took the stage. Kina, of course, looked as stunning as ever in a cute floral dress and gladiator sandals. Her sense of style and her asymmetrical hairstyle makes her look so chic! As I walked up to her to give her a hug, I told her just how cute she looked. lol I'm really horrible when it comes to meet & greets, I never really know what to say. Anyway, she played some songs from her Stairwells album, 2 cover songs, and 2 songs on her upcoming album that she is currently recording, "My Own" and "Little Worrier." The atmosphere at the park was very relaxing. Everyone was eating, laughing, playing, and laying on the grass. In fact, Kina was very distracted by us while she was singing. She kept on fumbling her lyrics and blaming it on our cuteness. At least that what she said. lol Check out the video! [I'm sure more videos of that day will slowly pop up on YT.  I heard someone recorded the whole show. ;) ]

It is always a refreshing feeling when you go out to see and hear your favorite artists play live.  And of course, it is always a delight to see the adorable and bubbly Kina Grannis.  It was a fun and relaxing day!  I'm already looking forward to going back again next year!  :)

My Horoscope

Today's horoscope:

Your feelings are still off the charts today, so expect some dizzying highs and teary lows. You know you're really living, but you also know that you'll be glad to get back to normal in a while.

Right on point.

SAD BUT STRONG

I found this in a magazine.  I couldn't relate to it more.

"Admitting I have depression and anxiety has, at times, made me feel like admitting defeat.  I'm angry that despite having every reason to be happy, sometimes I'm not.  I don't know why I'm sad.  I just am.  And so wish I wasn't.  I'd like to think, though, that even at my worst, I'm worthy of honesty, compassion, and understanding.  I struggle with my brain the way I struggle with my heart.  I love deeply and laugh loudly.  I work hard; I play harder."

Dreamy

Marie Digby covers Zedd's hit song, "Clarity," and giving it a dreamy vibe.  Check it out!

Power of Optimism

“People say it’s cliché that a positive attitude or laughter is the best medicine,” Burcaw told TODAY.com, “but until you live through something like this and discover your attitude does have a big effect on the quality of your life, it’s not cliché.”

Read this post from Today about a 21 year old boy who hopes to touch people's lives with his optimism.
http://www.today.com/news/my-life-blogger-21-laughs-despite-fatal-disease-6C10194114

London

"You cannot define yourself through negatives."

"You have to let go of who you were to allow yourself to become who you are."

- Stacy London

One of my favorite women in all of the world!! :)

Home

This is a new artist I have recently been obsessed with.  Her name is Gabrielle Aplin.  This song, "Home," is one of my favorite songs from her debut album.  Basically, the song is about being anywhere in the world and still feeling like you are home as long as you are with the people you love and care about most.  It reminds me of a place where I like to call "Home."  :)
(This is the lyric video composed with chosen pictures from her fans around the world.  She recently came here to USA for the first time in Reno, Nevada, to film the music video for it.  I am really excited to see how it turned out!)



Want to listen to more Gabrielle Aplin?
- http://www.youtube.com/gaberrz
- http://www.youtube.com/GabrielleAplinVEVO
- http://www.twitter.com/gabrielleaplin

I Love It, Biiiiiiitch!!

Dia Frampton kicks off the comeback of Music Mondays with a cover of "I Love It" by Icona Pop.  To be honest, not my favorite song on the radio right now, but I do love this version.  It is so raw and fun!!  There is nothing more fun than jamming around a campfire with a groups of friends.

P.S.  Sorry for the curse word in the title of the blog.  I just thought that was the best part in the video when they all sang that word together.  It was cute and made me laugh.  haha

Want to follow Dia?
http://www.youtube.com/diaframpton
http://www.twitter.com/diaframps

Advice

Because I don't have much of a life, I watch a lot of YouTube videos from musicians to vloggers.  This is one of the many places I escape from reality.  Watching these videos take up my time and they keep me entertained.  I also feel some connection with these people, even if I have never met them because I can relate to them in some ways.  Anyway, here are 2 of my favorite YouTube stars giving advice to their fans like myself.

The first one is a musician, Daniela Andrade.  I have been following her since the very beginning of her YouTube career.  In her first advice video, she talks about the "Art of Letting Go."  In other words, the art of letting go of the things that bring you down.  In her second advice video, she gives living tips to live a happy life (she is really cute and funny in this one).  In her third advice video, she talks about high school, achieving your goals, believing in yourself, and that hard work pays off.  She talks about how she dropped out of high school and decided to go back and finish it.  I remember being there and being one of her many fans encouraging her that she can do it.  :)  haha good times...

Meghan Camarena, aka Strawburry17, is a YouTube vlogger.  I discovered her through this old YouTube group called Vlog Candy.  She was one of my favorites from that group.  On her personal YouTube channel, the very first video I watched was the video of her and her best friend laughing.  Literally, the entire video was just them laughing, which I really loved because it's one of the many things that I believe a friendship is all about, and that is being able to laugh with someone about everything and anything.  And it was a fun video...Laughing is contagious.  hahaha
Anyway, Vlog Candy ended, but I continued to follow her and it is really awesome to see how far she has come with her YouTube career.  It even helped land her on the national television show, The Amazing Race.  She even had her first acting debut in Wong Fu Productions' short film, "To Those Nights."  In her advice video she talks about the struggles of how she chose to come about with deciding what she wanted to do with her life and what she was passionate about.
I really love Meghan.  She is very honest in her videos, very open about her life, and she is just one cool chic.  :)  Plus, she has a great taste in music!  She introduced me to He Is We and she's a LIGHTS fan too!!  Woot!

Both of these people found what they are passionate about and now, they're doing what they love most.  I hope and pray to be the same.  It doesn't really feel like it now because I'm still in school and I am still figuring out who I am, but I know I am getting somewhere and I imagine a bright future for me.  :)

"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien

If you want to follow these beautiful people:
Daniela
- http://www.youtube.com/danielasings
- http://www.youtube.com/danielavlogss
- http://www.twitter.com/danielasings
Meghan
- http://www.youtube.com/strawburry17
- http://www.youtube.com/lifeburry
- http://www.twitter.com/strawburry17

Details in the Fabric

This is a great song.
If you want to know what it's about, I took this from a comment on the video.  hehe

The intro and outro are actually voicemails left by Jason's best friend since college. He had just ended a long relationship with a girl (or she ended it for them, I don't know which). He was really emotionally wrecked in the first one, but the last one is when he realizes life will go on. Jason then wrote this song for him to let him know it'll all get better and he's always there for him.

Everything will be fine...
Hang on...
Help is on the way...
Stay strong...

Nightmares

One night, I had 2 nightmares in a row.  This dream was months ago and I can't get it out of my head, and I wasn't brave enough to share it then.  But I am going to now.

First one, was me standing at the edge of a cliff or mountain side.  It was a beautiful view.  Lots of green trees and a cool breeze.  But here is the catch: I wanted to jump off.  I remember feeling angry at myself and at the world, and I just wanted to "leave."  However, there was one particular person (I'm not going to say who).  This person was standing not too far behind me and telling me not to do it.  I remember looking at this person and then jumping off.  Then I woke up terrified and confused.

Second one, after I recuperated from the last dream, I dreamed about my death again, except this time I was running away from something and I got caught.  Then I was murdered.  Obviously, this one was a lot scarier.  But here is the catch: The same person was there!!  This time the person just watched in horror and cried when I died.  I watched this person mourn over my death.  Then I saw all these people at my funeral.  Then I woke up confused and feeling like I needed to cry.

All I can say from this is, the first one surprised me because if there is one thing I'm most afraid of, it's dying. And I was surprised I decided to jump off the cliff.  The second one, come to think of it, is another fear of mine.  My fear of leaving behind people that I care about most.  In addition, let me remind you, this is the first time I have ever shared this...in my middle school years and some time in high school, I used to think a lot about what life would be like if I never existed, or I disappeared, or if I died.  Would there be people at my funeral?  Who would be affected?  Will any of my friends be there?  All these questions!!  It all sounds really selfish.  I know.  But I was lonely.  I didn't have anyone to talk to, so I thought about these things.
But if you look at it this way, these dreams tell me something.  There is some sort of truth behind these dreams.  Not only do they represent my fears, but they also represent my values.  I live to see beautiful views.  I want to see the world.  I live to love those I care about.  And these dreams told me that there are people who care about me, even if they're not always there.  But I am having a hard time believing that lately.
However, on the other hand, that person who was in my dreams is a real person in reality.  Always there.  And I believe it because this person makes me believe it.

Isn't it amazing how dreams are like a reflection of what you are facing in reality?

Anyway, I searched the meaning behind dreams about death and I found this really nice post from the Huffington Post.  Here's the link if you want to read about it.  It's actually quite meaningful. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/13/dreams-about-death_n_891555.html

xo, J

P.S. Don't worry.  I'm not going to do anything stupid.  I promise.  :)

Break

As of yesterday, I announced that I was taking a break from Twitter and Facebook.  This may be days, weeks, or months.  I don't really know myself.  I'm taking this break to hopefully better myself and to figure things out, clear my mind, and find out what and who really matters to me.  I say "hopefully" because I don't even know if this will work.  ha!  The past few months have been a roller coaster ride, both in reality and within myself.  Not too many people know about what has been going on with me because I have this tendency to close all my doors when things just aren't going the way I want.  I end up losing myself and hiding away from other people, even to those who I really care about.  Bad habit.  To sum it all up, I'm not okay and I want to fix that.

I was inspired to take a break from this site called thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace.  If you have the chance, you should try it out.  I've been going on there multiple times, even if it's the same thing over and over again.  It calms me for some reason.  It takes me away from my thoughts just for those few minutes, and it feels good.  My favorite part, "...meaning less...little...shit."  haha

So I'm hoping that this break will help me to get myself together and open my doors again.  It'll force me to write more in my journal and on this blog.  Because one thing is for sure, I'm better at letting  my feelings out in writing.  :]

With that said, I am going to be as honest as I possibly can be and I hope you, as a reader/friend, will be too.  Just to let you know, I may say things that will scare you, surprise you, offend you, or whatever.  If I say anything that disgusts you, then I apologize in advance.  I'M SORRY.  I hope you'll still be my friend.  :)

If you have read this far...THANK YOU.  I guess, basically, this is me asking for help and support.  Thanks.  haha

Well, it's good to be back.

xo, J